Time to drop some truths: Quarter-Life Crisis/Searching For Self Love

“I have a story to tell, I think we all do, and we have to find our own way to tell it. That’s our reason, to live our individual lives, in whatever roles we play, and sharing your story, your point of view, is your reason to live. So someone else might benefit from it. Your reason to live is to live, really, you have a life and the only thing to do with it is live it. I don’t think there has to be a purpose.” –Dot525

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This is me: I’m here as a Travel/Lifestyle Photographer/Writer (as a hobby, for now):

It’s been almost a year that I’ve started this self discovery journey to know more about my self in order to figure out what to do with my life.

I’ve been searching my past and my soul. I’m working on my book called “In My Life” and each year is a chapter. Recently, I’ve been reading and thinking more about my life purpose/meaning.

“Was the person happy while he/she lived?” That is a proper question, the only question. Happiness is the meaning of my life. I want to be happy and I’m tired of sorrow. So the real question that I should be asking myself is: “What makes me happy?”

I’m a Taurus, so I’ve always called myself “May Queen” and now I’m looking for my own kingdom! I really enjoy being alone and writing all these crazy thoughts down. I also enjoy photography while listening to music and travelling to exotic places. That’s my passion and that’s the meaning of my life: I’m here to experience new things and see this beautiful world that we are part of. I like to register every special moment by taking pictures and writing about them, so hopefully others will be inspired to explore it as well.

I have a very bad memory and I really like the fact that I can simply look at my collection of artwork in order to immediately go back in time and “relive” those unique moments. Be them good or bad, because life still beats the alternative.

We should all look at the big picture and see the great things life has to offer: nature, human connections, animals, love, passion and happiness… I think just listening to the wind blows is worth to have live.

I also feel that the relationship with my husband constitute the very meaning of my life, because our goal as a family is to create and nurture new life for this beautiful earth. Our love is what I live for. He is my best friend that knows me well and loves me back for exactly who I am! “Friends are the family you choose (~ Nin/Ithilnin, Elven rogue).”
― Jess C. ScottThe Other Side of Life

Charles Bukowski quotes:

I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.”

“I’ve never been lonely. I’ve been in a room — I’ve felt suicidal. I’ve been depressed. I’ve felt awful — awful beyond all — but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me…or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I’ve never been bothered with because I’ve always had this terrible itch for solitude. It’s being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness. I’ll quote Ibsen, “The strongest men are the most alone.” I’ve never thought, “Well, some beautiful blonde will come in here and give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I’ll feel good.” No, that won’t help. You know the typical crowd, “Wow, it’s Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?” Well, yeah. Because there’s nothing out there. It’s stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I’ve never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn’t want to hide in factories. That’s all. Sorry for all the millions, but I’ve never been lonely. I like myself. I’m the best form of entertainment I have. Let’s drink more wine!”

“My ambition is handicapped by laziness”

“You have to die a few times before you can really live.”

“If you’re losing your soul and you know it, then you’ve still got a soul left to lose.”

“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I’m not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.”

“Some lose all mind and become soul, insane.
some lose all soul and become mind, intellectual.
some lose both and become accepted

As you can see, I desperately need help. We are now 25 years old and we are both going through a Quarter Life Crisis. All I want to do is travel but I am currently working 9-5 job that pays the bills. My plan is to keep working at this place until my Canadian passport arrives, so I can finally start my Sabbatical and follow my dream!

Once I come back from this adventure, I want to choose a city where I plan to raise my 3 kids (hopefully 2 boys 1 girl, we’ll see). I might come back to Toronto because all my husband’s family moved here and my mom wants to immigrate to Canada next year!

Unfortunately, right now, I feel trapped in a meaningless void until this passport arrives in a few years, so I have to learn how to live my day-to-day life by being responsible and getting work done when all I want to do is lay down on the beach all day! I’m 99.7% sure a road trip would fix everything =)

Shocking Statistics About Real Millennial Problems:We’re all struggling, yet we’re all struggling to make it appear like we’re not struggling!” That’s so true!!! People have no idea of what it feels like to be lost and I definitely try to hide those feelings from them.

Even though I’m married, working full-time, with a college diploma, living in a first world country, in a comfortable condo there’s still a deep void inside, a feeling of emptiness that nothing seems to fill.

I feel everything is debilitating and it takes a lot of effort to get things done. It’s end of April and I haven’t even started to think about doing my taxes yet! O_O’ Same thing happens when I’m buying groceries, doing dishes, cooking dinner, going to work, calling my family back, calling my friends back or picking up the phone at all. I look at animals and I think: “God, I wish I had your life.” Am I ever going to feel like myself again? 

I keep asking myself every morning “How can I be kind to myself today?” and I thank myself in the evening for having been there for me.

Try it out yourself and do it day by day. Over time I’ve notice how my care and my self love has started filling this inner void. The tricky part is: How are you supposed to do anything when you have lost your very reason to live? Don’t let people think you are dead…prove them wrong!

Start by letting some fresh air in your home. Go outside for a run. Start yoga daily. Read some good books. Volunteer at Humane Society or any retirement home. If you have no idea what you’re doing in your life, just pick something that you know can’t be bad and just run with it. Sometimes the best answers come when we stop sitting around obsessing over finding them.

You just need to experience life to its fullest in the here-and-now! So remember, the answer is: live in the needs of the day. Hint: meditation really helps!

I wish you all good health and the best of everything else!! Carpe Diem \o/

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